Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
