so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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