I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
