you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
