I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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