Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
