Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
