I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
