These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't deserve a penis
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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