Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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