No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
