this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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