the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
