Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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