Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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