my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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