i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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