I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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