It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
