you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
