TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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