$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
