The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
