you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize