you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
