You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
