I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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