Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
