please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
