I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
