i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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