After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
