the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
