I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
