I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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