True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
