If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
