I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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