I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
