Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
