just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I understand Curling. That high.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
