The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
