She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
