I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize