after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
