I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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