I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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