Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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