just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize