I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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