yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
