Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize