seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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