The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
