u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
