and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
