It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
