i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
