Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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