I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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