Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
