I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i came on her dog
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
