I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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