Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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