i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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